As a dad, I think that changing nappies is a bit like defusing a bomb – you need to be quick, careful, and definitely not get any of the wires, or rather, contents, crossed. It’s a task many dads approach with a mix of trepidation and awkwardness, but fear not. Like learning to ride a bike or conquering the Sunday roast, nappy-changing is a skill that can be mastered with a bit of practice and the right technique.
There’s no badge of honour for the squeamish; it’s all part and parcel of the parenting package. Equipping yourself with a few handy tips on how to change a nappy can transform you from a bumbling novice to a nappy-changing ninja. You might be surprised at how quickly you can make a clean sweep and have your little one fresh and ready to go again. Unfortunately even us ninjas still get pooh on our hands or weed on.
Think of this as your unofficial survival guide – no frills, no shying away, just the bare essentials of how to tackle the nappy battlefield. I’ll share the practical know-how you’ll need to stay cool under pressure. From choosing the right nappies to dodging those unexpected fountains (yes, the pee kind), I’ve got you covered.
Be Distracting and Interesting
In your quest to become the Super Dad the ultimate nappy-changing ninja, distraction is the mightiest weapon in your arsenal. You’re face needs to be more interesting than the contents of their nappy. Here’s some of my best tips.
Singing Sensations
Belting out a tune in your most dramatic opera voice (move over, Pavarotti) is a sure-fire way to keep those tiny legs still. You can stick to the classics – “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” and “The Wheels on the Bus” – or the latest radio ear worm, just be animated and interesting. Also their feet make for great pseudo-microphones.
- Sing loudly and confidently: They’re not judging your pitch. Yet.
- Switch up the lyrics: Anything goes, as long as you’re singing something. “The Nappy on the Bum goes round and round”
Funny Faces
The moment I pull a face that’d make Jim Carrey proud, I’ve got my little one’s attention. My eyebrows do a dance and I make farting noises, ensuring giggles over grizzles.
- Master the Raised Eyebrow: It’s an instant winner.
- Include Props: You can enlist Teddy for a guest appearance. His solo act is legendary.
Tale-Telling
Morph into a master storyteller, recounting epic tales of adventure where the heroes are always teddy bears and the dragons suspiciously resemble rubber ducks. Bonus points if you can throw in a plot twist.
- Keep it short: We’re spinning yarns, not writing novels. The ‘Epic of Teddy the Brave’ should fit into a nappy change session.
- Be animated: Voices, sound effects – the works. If I’m not out of breath by the end, I’m not doing it right.
How to change a nappy
When it’s my turn on nappy duty, I like to think of myself as the head of a bustling nappy assembly line. Efficiency is the name of the game; no fumbling, all thumbs are capable, and speed is rewarded.
First get prepared, gather your supplies
The middle of a nappy change is never a good time to have to stop and go look for something. Your pretty much guaranteed that’s the moment your little one will choose to explode pooh all over their legs and your trousers. (yes I have had that happen….twice ????)
- Nappies: A stack of fresh nappies (at least three, just to be safe).
- Wipes: A packet of baby wipes, or reusables for obvious reasons.
- Changing mat: Protects the underlying surface and it’s easy to clean.
- Nappy rash cream: Standby for any signs of redness.
- Distraction: A toy or two to keep the little one from going rogue.
The Changing Process
Here’s a straightforward two-step process to make nappy changes quick and efficient:
Prep Work: Get all your stuff in one place, then grab the baby. Undo all poppers/buttons or zips as required.
Step 1: Tip tip: open out the new nappy the right way round and slide it under the used one (not advisable for poonamis) this way you wipe all the mess into the used nappy and when you pull it away the fresh one is already in place.
Step 2: open the nappy doing a wipe downwards (front to back) with the nappy. Get wipes or cotton wool and water and clean the area. Putting everything into the used nappy. Then pull that away, ensuring the baby can’t reach it (you’ll only forget to do this once) and inspect the level of cleanliness.
Step 3: When all clean, apply cream if required and do up the new nappy, remember velcro straps or poppers should be snug but not constrictive. Refasten the poppers, then redo this when you realise you’ve missed one and the babies clothes are all twisted up.
Step 4: Deal with the used nappy. If it’s a reusable then liner or inserts into a biodegradable bag and nappy in the bucket. If disposable then into a nappy bag and the outside bin.
And voilà, job done. It’s all about staying prepared and moving with purpose—plus a bit of humour to keep things light.
As you progress through the levels of fatherhood, you’ll need to grow a third arm to hold the child in place while you complete this exercise.
As your baby ages this gets progressively harder. Like trying to place a nappy on a bum that keeps rising into the air. Or trying to undo a nappy on a child who is actively doing crocodile rolls around the floor. The new born nappy stage is by far the easiest.
Remember, practice makes perfect. Your baby won’t judge, but the cat might.
Stories from the field
My worst nappy changing incident came with our second child. He was born in November and we were Christmas shopping in our small town, we had stopped in a cafe and it was heaving. He had a pooh so naturally I jumped up and said I would change him. I headed to the single toilet and queued, holding my smelly son a solitary nappy and a packet of wet-wipes.
When I got into the toilet there was nowhere to change him so I kind of had to hold him on a sort of shelf over the radiator. Anyway when I started to strip him down I realised that his pooh had leaked and he was covered from neckline to ankles!
Not to be undone, I persevered, by the time I was finished I had to walk him back to our table in his nappy, holding his pooh covered clothes in the other hand. Sporting some brown (yes pooh) splashes on my trousers.
We don’t go to that cafe any more.
Frequently Asked Questions
As a seasoned nappy-changing veteran, I reckon it’s only fair I share my expertise on some baffling mysteries and sticky situations that every dad faces.
What’s the Secret Handshake for the Elite Nappy-Changing Dads Club?
I’d tell you the secret handshake, but then I’d have to sign you up for the next poo explosion duty. Let’s just say it involves a lot of elbow grease and the nimble dexterity you never knew you had.
Is There a Magic Spell to Stop the Wee Fountain During Nappy Swap Time?
If wizards taught courses on baby hygiene, I’d be a professor by now. Until then, keep a nappy or cloth at the ready to cover the wee launcher swiftly.
Do Real Men Wield Baby Wipes with the Precision of a Ninja?
Absolutely! My wipe-flicking wrist-twist technique has been honed through many a messy skirmish.
Can Nappy Duty Be Turned into an Olympic Sport and How Would One Train for It?
If changing nappies were an Olympic sport, I’d have more golds than a pirate’s treasure chest. Training involves speed, efficiency, and the artful dodge of wayward projectiles.
What’s the Protocol When the Poo-Nami Strikes During a Nappy Change?
Don’t panic. Hold your breath, grab more wipes than you think you need, and think of it as an impromptu mud mask spa day—good for the pores, they say.